Crayon Marks by Christy on PNN

No One Outsmarts a Mommy in a Minivan

We maneuvered down our street at a record minivan speed of 4 mph, yes, we were definitely NOT speeding. The posted speed limit is 5 mph and that exact number was not only pointed out to me by my five year old son, I also was reminded by the reading on our new GPS, now known as ‘Carmen,' as in Carmen Garmin-I won't even tell you who thought of that, but if you follow my column or know me personally, you probably already know of whom I am speaking. Anyway, both Carmen and my oldest son have their moments of being a bit too bossy.

"Go faster, Mommy! Look at Carmen. She says you're going 4. You should be going 5, Mommy. That's my age. Five. I'm going to be late to school," advised Ryan. I briefly thought about sending Carmen to San Diego.

I put on my best ‘ignoring my little backseat driver' music and I remained steady at my slow pace. I knew the boys felt certain a turtle on its way to our pond might pass us at any moment, but I, THE MOMMY, knew exactly what I was doing. Yes, I AM the Mommy and I DO know what I am doing...

We rounded the corner to the gate when the boys exclaimed in unison, "YES!" That is the general word of approval when one turns the corner and realizes another neighbor made it to the gate first, thus causing the gate to begin opening and subsequently allowing the following car, us, rite of passage without waiting for the s-l-o-w gate to open again. Confirmation of knowing more than your children is always a sweet thing and I found myself sitting up a bit taller and a bit prouder in the driver's seat.

That was it. Phase one of our 20 minute drive to school. It counted as a victory, small as it may be.

As we turned to the main road, I noticed all of the neighborhood school children who are normally congregated on the corner were gone. That was not good. Not good at all. That means one and only one thing: we were now going to be behind that huge, yellow, exhaust emitting, rectangle box on wheels that is commonly referred to as a school bus.

I made a disapproving sigh and altered my spoken words to be, "Oh nuts!" while at the same time Ryan shouted with excitement, "Oh good!" Cole, who was equally as excited, followed up with, "We get to follow the school bus!!!" They were both so thrilled to be behind that yellow box. I, on the other hand, was thinking I should have driven at 6 mph, aced out that car ahead of me and been the first car out the gate, Indianapolis style.

So what is it about children and school buses? Don't they know that only recently someone in the wise world of Florida school administration found the money to air condition some of those yellow boxes? After all, it's only 95 degrees with a heat index of over 110 in those yellow sweat boxes and some are STILL not air conditioned. Nope, kids don't care. It is the SCHOOL BUS!

We followed that yellow monster through four more stops. Four stops of little girls twirling precisely 9 times prior to taking the first step to enter the bus, little boys pushing and shoving to see who could be first (again validating the excitement of young children over school buses), Mommies of said little boys stopping them to reprimand their poor behavior, one little child who got on, off to retrieve a forgotten lunchbox and back on again, and the list goes on. Clearly, this was our elementary school group.

Rekindling my friendship with Carmen, I made a hard right at the next road and left the directions up to her. "Recalculating." I love to hear her say that word. It is as if she is saying there is no way I can screw things up and get lost. Only a woman would be comforted by the word, recalculating. We follow Carmen's recalculated directions and actually ended up pulling up to the school BEFORE the bus. We also were not late to school. Mission accomplished, for today anyway.

Cole and I kissed Ryan goodbye at his classroom door and headed down the primary hallway of the school. I heard Ryan say something to us so I turned back to ask him what he said. It was then that I heard words that added no less than 20 gray hairs to my head. Ryan declared, "Mommy, I want to ride the school bus on Monday." In an instant, a million things ran through my mind, starting with he's only five. I looked at him and told him we'd talk about it later. So why do I envision myself INTENTIONALLY following the school bus on Monday?

I guess things COULD be worse...

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Post Surgery Check-Up

Posted by Crayon Marks

Post Surgery Check-Up

As you may recall, my son, Ryan, has a health condition related to his heart called pulmonary valve stenosis. He had surgery in July to attempt to correct the problem and although it did not totally "fix" Ryan's heart problem, it did improve it and for that we were/are thankful.

(click graphic to enlarge)

Ryan just had his first post-surgery appointment at the pediatric cardiologist's office. They repeated his echocardiogram to see if there were any changes since his surgery in July. I'm thrilled to say that Ryan's pulmonary valve has remained stable! The doctor was very pleased to also tell us that there isn't any blood leakage in the valve. Apparently, a small amount of blood leakage is normal, but Ryan has none. I attribute this to the expertise of our doctor, but he modestly chalks it up to good luck.

Ryan's doctor is leaving their practice and will be moving over to a St. Petersburg office. We, obviously, will follow him so Ryan may remain his patient. It will be a longer drive, but well worth it for the comfort of knowing Ryan is in good hands.

Now we are in a ‘wait and see' mode. We pray the valve will remain stable as Ryan grows, but the truth is that it could worsen again due to the plasticity in the valve. For right now, we are satisfied that we have a happy, healthy, intelligent kindergartner.

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The War Between Target and Wal-Mart

Posted by Crayon Marks

The War Between Target and Wal-Mart

The Target vs. Wal-Mart War, your favorite? Ask anyone at any time of day and you will get opinions; some very strong, others based on sales ads in the Sunday newspaper, but everyone definitely has an opinion.

In the past, I admit I sat on the fence, often falling on the side of which store had those best colorful, glossy, smooth Sunday ads for the items I needed. I declared my loyalty to Target

because my closest friends were Target fans and I felt threatened that if I didn't follow suit, I would awaken one morning to the horrible sight of ugly brownish Wal-Mart bags strewn in the trees in front of my house in a high school "Let's go toilet paper Christy's house" kind of fashion. We all know that if my crazy friends would do such a deed (and they would), the pretty red circle on the white Target bag would go much nicer with the landscaping in front of my house.

The truth was, however, that I was looking to save money and the store with the cheapest prices and cost the least amount in gas received my business. I always figured, game on. Plus, if the store was brand new, as in the tile floor was still perfect, that was a definite factor in my decision. I love new stores... they smell so, well, new.

After my recent experience at Wal-Mart, I toppled to the Target side of the fence, so fast that I smacked my face on the ground. SO FAST, that my friends who lived and breathed Target are probably still seeing the dust settle.

Two weeks ago, I decided it was time to recheck the stores to see if they had the required school uniforms in stock. It had been three days since my last check, but in the world of "these are the only choices in clothing for my child for the next 180 days," timing was of the essence. So, off we go... Ryan, Cole and Mommy in quest of Ryan's school uniforms.

We went to Target first and quickly realized that we had forgotten one critical item in our past shopping trips: what would Ryan wear in the wintertime? I had been so focused on shorts and short-sleeved shirts that I totally failed to project my mind into Florida's winter attire. I needed to find 6 pairs of uniform slacks for exactly 9 days of cold weather we have in Florida. (I occasionally do laundry. LOL) Well, I know you find it hard to believe but Target had none. We loaded back in our minivan and off to Wal-Mart we went.

Lo and behold, Wal-Mart DID have slacks for Ryan. Next question, what size? Ryan wears one size in slacks and it is called skinny, as his little body is so tall, but if he'd turn sideways, he'd have no shadow. So what size? Size??? Off to the dressing rooms we went with 5 different sizes for my little guy. Five different sizes and two little boys...in a dressing room...at Wal-Mart... why didn't I see the red flags?? Pair #1: so big they literally fell off; Pair #2: I still don't know because Cole reached under the dressing room and handed them to the lady next to us; Pair #3: Cole climbed under the door as if to escape and Ryan tried to find out if he looked the same in the dressing room mirror wearing Pair #3 upside-down.

Yep, time to go.

Ryan changed (translation: I changed Ryan.), I grabbed Cole by the ankles and pulled him back under the door; two little boys and Pairs #5-6 slacks were thrown in the cart (still had no clue where Pair #2 was) and to the checkout lane we went. As made our way through the maze of clothes, I started seeing more good deals on shirts and shorts so as I pushed the cart, I just started throwing approximate sizes in the cart, figuring I would have an easier time trying things on Ryan at home. I believe the final bill was close to $200 so you can imagine how many "oh this might fit" shirts, shorts and slacks ended up in our cart.

When we got home, I tried all of it on Ryan and things were so much calmer. I thought that was definitely the way to find clothes without encountering so much stress. We put the rest of the clothes in the bags and off we went to Wal-Mart to return the clothes that didn't fit. On the way, I realized I needed to make another stop which would put us near a different Wal-Mart, but hey, isn't Wal-Mart known for easy exchanges?? No. That is simply not true.

We entered Wal-Mart to return the clothes that I had purchased less than two hours earlier and I was treated like a second-class citizen. To begin with, the "STOP! I need to put a sticker on all of your returned items" lady was some kind of mad at me because she had to do her job *gasp* and attach a sticker to every-single-item we returned. In addition, she made it known to me that every-single-time she put every-single-sticker on every-single-item, that she had to scan every-single-item every-single-time in her scanner because I didn't buy them at "her" store. OK, so I get the whole employee stock option thing, but "HER STORE??" I kept my Irish temper in check and we finally moved on to the actual return lane, much to the pleasure of the 15 +/- people in line behind us. Next counter please, next counter please... ugh.

The two ladies who finally helped us moaned and groaned the whole time about how the return policies had changed, blah, blah, blah, I didn't really care so I applied my strongest trait of ignoring the current conversation. Suddenly, I started to listen/care very quickly when they accused me of washing one of the shirts prior to returning it. I actually looked at my two boys and started laughing. Washed the shirt? Are you kidding me? I was home for about 1.5 hours, give or take a few minutes, tried on over $200 worth of clothes on a 5 year old, kept the 3 year old under control, put all that didn't fit back in the bags, loaded two little boys and their snacks because they were now getting hungry and made it back to the store in less than two hours??? AND YOU THINK I ACTUALLY STOPPED TO WASH AND DRY A SHIRT TO SEE IF IT WOULD SHRINK? AND THEN TRY TO RETURN IT??!!

Give...me...a...break.

After a little not-so-polite-but-still-kind-of-nice-because-my-little-boys-can-hear-me conversation with the store manager, I got my money back and went on my way. That was my last trip to Wal-Mart. I am 100% converted to Target. I will stop looking at Wal-Mart ads.

Until Christmas.

I am off to place my vote on the survey, errr, my own survey.

Which is your favorite: Target or Wal-Mart? Do you have a story to share? I'd love to hear it! Please take a minute and tell me your story and/or vote... thanks!! :)

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The Emotions of Kindergarten

Posted by Crayon Marks

The Emotions of Kindergarten

My oldest son, Ryan, started kindergarten last Monday. Being a teacher who loves to teach, I have thought of this moment for years; having my own child in school, watching my own child learn, listening to the excitement in my own child's voice as he tells about his new adventures. Now that moment has become my reality and I couldn't be more proud of my son; he's healthy, he's intelligent and he's more than ready to begin kindergarten. However, to see him as a "big boy" in a "big boy school" also comes with an array of other emotions as well. Not only is the first day of kindergarten a big step in Ryan's life, but it is also a huge milestone for me. It is much different leaving Ryan at kindergarten for six hours as opposed to preschool for three hours. I feel like I am a million miles away from him even though he is approximately the same distance from home as he was in preschool. I don't know if it is because this school is so much larger or just the fact that he is there and I am home. The only thing I know for sure right now is that it is a world of difference between how I feel as a teacher starting school compared to how I feel as a parent of my five year old starting school. When I do return to teaching, this is a feeling I will not forget and it will certainly be reflected in empathy toward other parents of students in my classroom.

The first day went very well with the exception of the "rookie parent" syndrome. We left too late even though we thought we left early. We totally underestimated the traffic we'd encounter, even though we deal with this traffic daily. We failed to take into consideration the crossing guard at another elementary school, who takes his job very seriously, and stops every single car for every single person, not caring that there are literally miles of cars waiting to get through that intersection. We failed to take into consideration the lack of parking spaces once we finally did arrive at school.

Our feelings changed rapidly from tension to excitement upon entering Ryan's classroom. I kept looking at Ryan; he looked so tall in his head-to-toe new outfit! What a little cutie I have!!! His backpack is huge and weighs half of his body weight, I'm sure, but he carries it with pride. His teacher is wonderful and I feel like we hit the lottery having her teach our son.

We left with smiles on our faces and more importantly we left with a smile on Ryan's face. Mission accomplished ~ day one of leaving our son at kindergarten for the very first time and I am proud to say I didn't cry when we left.

Welcome to the Class of 2021, my little man.

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It Worked!

Posted by Crayon Marks

It Worked!

"MY" idea worked!!! Just a minute while I sit here and bask in the glory of having a better idea than my husband.

...

After going through our latest checklist of things to lock away at night, I set up the baby monitor. I strategically located it at the entrance of our kitchen, next to the gate that would inevitably make noise when unlocked. The boys were asleep and the plan was in place. So, off to bed I went.

Let me tell you, that monitor picks up EVERY SINGLE NOISE in our house. I heard the air conditioner turn on and off, I heard Betsy walking through the kitchen, I heard the refrigerator turning on and off; I believe I even heard the filter in the air conditioner rattle.

**If you're in the market for a baby monitor, Sony is the way to go! **

I finally fell asleep. I woke up occasionally, hearing an odd "house" noise that I was not yet used to, but no "Cole" noises. Night one was a success; well, if you are counting the fact that Cole didn't even get out of bed.

Yesterday, the monitor receiver was still on the kitchen counter. Cole saw it and asked what it was and before I could answer him, Ryan interjected. Their conversation went something like this:

Cole: What's this?

Ryan: That's a baby monitor.

Cole: Why?

Ryan: Because you are acting like a baby and making bad choices at night and Mommy is listening to you ALL NIGHT LONG.

Cole: (seriously thinking) I don't like that idea. I'm taking it. (tried to reach the monitor)

Ryan: That's not good, Cole. You're gonna end up in "think time."

So, Cole listened to his big brother and left the monitor where it was. Later that day, Cole told me I needed to put "that thing" away somewhere. I smiled and thought to myself, "Score one for Mommy!"

The monitor remains on the counter...

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OK, this isn't funny anymore!

Yes, this is about my little Cole. *sigh*

After all of our efforts, he did it again. If you are laughing right now, well, go right ahead. You've probably had similar experiences and are laughing because it is not you, right? For those of you with older children, you give me hope. You survived and so did your children.

The damage was minimal, but the danger of standing on chairs remained. So, in my state of exhaustion, I will persevere.

My husband called me from work a little while ago; he has a "plan." After listening to his multitude of ideas, all of which were to be implemented tonight, I considered adding 'Fort Knox' to our 'Welcome' sign:

Welcome to Fort Knox

My husband planned to stop at Home Depot and get, well, truthfully I stopped listening after the words “2x4’s to keep the tall gate from poking holes in our drywall” were mentioned. I reminded him that we cannot block off the hallway with tall gates due to a potential fire hazard, plus if I remember correctly, Cole already knows how to unlock that gate.

He said, "Yes, but we could try it anyway and give Ryan a walkie-talkie to put under his pillow." *sigh*

Stop laughing.

He just can't get past the fact that our 3 year old is outsmarting us. I just hope Cole uses his intelligence and determination in a positive way to accomplish big things in his adult life.

So, I told my husband that I, too, have a plan. He gave me that “your idea certainly won’t be better than mine” husband groan. We all know that a woman’s idea should never surpass a man’s in originality. The idea needs to be complex, require multiple trips to Home Depot and involve tools, power tools if you do the job right.

He sort of listened to my idea; after all he was at work. No doubt his stories about Cole are totally entertaining his colleagues. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if a group of them collaborated over lunch how to solve this problem.

I told my husband that my idea involves one thing and we already own it. I knew right then that he was disappointed, and disapproved of my idea when I didn’t mention something that involved a hammer. I am getting out our baby monitor that I still have from when our boys were infants. I will put it in the kitchen, where most of the crimes are committed, and I will shut off the floor fan in our room so I can hear the monitor more clearly.

It’s simple, it’s cost effective and it’s a fine idea. We’re doing it. Correction, I’m doing it. My husband will secretly hope my plan fails so he can go to Home Depot.

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Operation Homeland Security

Allow me to introduce you to my 3 year old son, Cole. He is an adorable little blondie who looks like he came straight from riding the waves at the ocean. He is a smart little guy and seems to be one step ahead of us at all times. OK, so he doesn't "seem" to be one step ahead of us, he "is" one step ahead of us.

By day, Cole is in training to become a Navy Seal.

By night, he is Mommy's little snuggle bunny.

Each night, I sleep with one ear open in order to hear any sound that would give away Cole's latest 3 a.m. mission. Well, apparently the other night, I slept on the wrong ear. When I awoke the following morning, each step I took led me to another disaster. I found a chair moved, in attempt to retrieve a key to the already locked study door; the garage door opener, which normally is very high on a shelf in the laundry room, was now on the counter, and batteries were strewn all over the floor since the garage door opener evidently was not working. The carefully hidden kiddie scissors obviously were not hidden well enough as he managed to retrieve those as well. (All parents who read the word "scissors" and "chairs" in the same paragraph are cringing right about now.) Not only did he get the scissors he cut the lining out of his Lightning McQueen swim trunks. Oh, and as a favor to his big brother, he also cut Ryan's lining for him. Why did he cut the linings? He told me, "Because, Mommy, they tickle my bottom."

Right about now, all of you are thinking, "HOW LONG WAS THIS CHILD UP?" Am I right? Well, my husband and I wondered the same thing. Suffice it to say Cole knew he was wrong and was punished by staying in his room until he is... 30.

In the meantime, my husband and I, once again, kicked it into high gear on the security in our house. ADT just wasn't doing enough - we needed a full blown inside system tailored specifically for Cole. Having already stepped up our security four notches in the past, it was getting increasingly more challenging. My husband left for work; I started brainstorming what we needed to do to keep our son safe at night. Locking him in his room through means of a baby-type gate was not an option because he is fully potty trained and needs access to the bathroom.

As the day went on, it hit me. Who has else has stepped up security?? Our country. So, my next stop was the website for our own White House Government... Division of Homeland Security. Surely they will have an idea for keeping Cole safe; they do this on a national level. I laughed aloud at the thought that I was actually seeking out security measures from Michael Chertoff and applying them to my three year old son.

I scanned through their information... "Developing a Comprehensive Homeland Security Management System," oh yes, I was definitely researching an appropriate area. As I read further, I discovered their area of "Risk Management." That's it!!!! I will think like a three year old and apply risk management to all areas of potential danger. I waited until the boys were asleep for naps and off I went through our home, looking... looking... for dangerous areas. I even got on my hands and knees and looked up to see what Cole sees at his level.

By the time naps ended, I was prepared to implement our home security plan. My husband will switch the dummy lock/handle from the laundry room door with Cole's bedroom door. Now he will be locked out of the laundry room. Next, we will continue to keep the study locked at night, just as before, but NOW the key will be in our bedroom, hidden. Scissors will be housed in the laundry room, again under lock and key. It's a plan. It can be done with a little more effort before bedtime. I hope I can remember to do all of this before climbing into bed at night. The list of things to do to secure our home at night has become ridiculously long.

Tonight all new locks will be installed and we will stand ready. Operation Homeland Security commences...................

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